We, We, WE, all the way HOME!

Mona made from Coats and Clark thread comes to life!

Barry and I celebrated our 23rd anniversary this past Sunday.  The weekend was spent in appreciation of art…and of truth.

First, a street festival on Saturday – - Cary Lazy Days – - where we purchased a couple of small pieces of carbon fired porcelain from Lou Raye Nichols, a business colleague.  These are work of her hands and her heart, and hearing her tell the personality of each one was priceless.  I wanted to buy pottery for everyone I know.

Then there was the search for the big new art displays the Cary Arts Commission has juried and placed around the downtown campus.  My favorites were the Balancing Act (a collection of balls), and Jurassic Dragonfly (made from car bumpers).   Cary has become an artist haven, with street pieces welcoming you to our town, seaming streets together as an outdoor museum.

Jurassic Dragonfly

Barry is a good sport about escorting me through the galleries and booths.

A toast of champagne over dinner  brings out the laughs and it also primes the throat for speaking a truth.  Best not to forget its power, lest it sneaks up on you.

The truth?  23 years brings about changes of heart.  Time can provide a deeper connection, and it has.   The experiences shared can provide a deep appreciation, and they have.  There are regular tensions in a shared business and they have given us pause this year… reflection at this mid-life stage, prompting new dialogue.  Staying in that dialogue is art form and is rare. Yet, we have learned to stay with it – a practice of what gives a marriage foundation as the romance waxes and wanes, the hair line recedes, the chins sag, and for the first time in 23 years, the wedding dress no longer fits unless I am lying on the floor and a friend has a pair of pliers to zip me in.

So this weekend we spent more time in arty spaces.  We strolled through the NC Museum of art and my favorite areas of African and Renaissance art, then ate a beautiful brunch.

Before the Museum tour we stopped by the Body, Mind, Spirit expo – the Fairgrounds near Meredith College to give a book to Azurae Windwalker.  Azurae guided me by the elbow to Dr. Bluehawk Stec who “had no openings for sessions,” and I explained that was good, because it was my anniversary and I was just stopping by… but Bluehawk looked at me – pierced my eyes with his and said, “Darlin, there is something you can do for me. ‘Find your confidence.’ ”    That was it.

He turned away.

Azurae laughed, “She has plenty of confidence,” and again.. he looked at me and said, “I know… and she knows what I mean.  Look at her face!”

I was dumbstruck.  I cocked my head to the right to see if the Dr. Stec from Illinois was real, then gingerly placed my book on the table next to a collection of turkey feathers.  I almost ran outside to meet Barry, who received the news of my needing confidence much like Azurae had, only with more vigorous defense and a belly laugh in disbelief.

But his comment struck a chord.

That brief meeting was exactly what I needed to shake me.

I realized in that moment, I have been numb lately, trying too hard to please a pile of other people – from business to family to community – -  some who no longer need me and have served the purpose of the lessons, as well as those who have brought me much pleasure (and even prospertiy) in the dance of relationship, but where the growth is now moving into other directions.  Some I just need to embrace as friends.  Some I just need to liberate from my expectations . . perhaps our partnership needs to be reshaped or we need to communicate in a new way.  I need to pay attention to and thank some folks more fully, appreciate them aloud.  Some I need to embrace.. and some I need to simply surrender.  Most importantly I need to make some conscious choices.

Restoring my confidence wasn’t about ego, it was about liberating myself and others from stoic conversations, from a co-dependence for their business or friendship or some other form of attachment I had collapsed as relationship and love.

I wrote in the book, Mystic GRITs that I love people so completely I can sometimes wear them slam out.  There is an art form to love and a timeliness, perhaps more, a mindfulness that requires we pay comprehensive attention to every small detail and that we call out new thinking and perspectives from ourselves equally as we do from others.

Rodin's Thinker makes you want to think!

So on my anniversary Sunday, in addition to an abundance of food, I had an abundance of think time and I declared myself “confident” enough to say “no” where I needed to and open my heart for receiving love in the amount I comfortably send out.  I am ready for the new.  I don’t think I am unusual in this regard.  I see many women like me who get stuck in these cycles, becoming servile or needy.  People, we can no longer make this a “we, we, we, all the way home” conversation.  Right now it is about “me, me, me, coming back home to ‘me, me, me’ again.”

We-ing has been good for collaborating and working alongside Barry and others.  We-ing is good for our communities and our partner organizations.  We-ing may be something that is true for most the women you know – - it is where I typically live, but right now, ” I do declare, we-ing is best left to those little piggies…”  it is now time for some better Me-ing.

The truth I have come to is that I am exactly where I need to be, doing the work I was born to do, expanding daily to include a lighter side of me.  AND, I am soooo ready to have more fun.  I also think others are ready to do the same.  I am almost rebellious as I decide to break free from anything that feels too heavy or hard.

Some of my relations are open and ready for this evolution and they are showing up in miraculous ways.  I smile thinking about the connections.  Some are not.  I have to get over the fear of loss, or the illusion of inclusion.

Those are some big balls to juggle!

There is an art to pacing me in this space… and to help balance the big balls of energy I toss around.

Here’s to those who choose this partnership with me . . . again in this life dance, my dear and very loved ones.  Here’s to celebrating all that is and blessing all that we have experienced together, even if it becomes a happy memory – - here’s to liberation and whatever comes next!

“WE – We – we”…all the way to “me- Me – ME!”

Ask yourself, where do you need to find the confidence to speak a truth?

And where  do you need to find beauty in what exists, even the old and forgotten?

Enjoy your journey!

Yipeee… Be free!

DJ

Sanctuary at the Farmer’s Market!

Peppers and Peanuts

Anita, Tracy and I chat politics and children challenges on the drive out.  We are curious about what is happening in the world around us.   When we arrive, we slide into the slow rhythm of the market. We chat with the farmers.  We learn about the herbs and the annuals and we tote home moon plants and chenille hanging baskets.   We nosh on Yah’s special herb seasonings and salsa.  We visit Nina at The Kids and Me lemonade shop and she squeezes fresh lemons or oranges, limes and cheeries into a crushed ice sensation. 

Tracy chats up the ministers of the fields!

It is our ritual.  Almost every weekend, we girlfriends from the ‘hood make our way to the NC State Farmer’s Market in Raleigh.  The colors of the food radiate as gemstones.  Melons invite a squeeze.  Peppers come in purple and white, as well as the stop light colors.  Butter beans and freshly shucked silver queen corn are ready for the evening’s succatash. 

Peaches are in season now.  The blueberries are gone.  Soon it will be time for apples and cider.  The zinias will make room for pumpkins. 

This market is more than a place of weekend shopping and beautiful food.  It is a reminder of a simple time in my past, when all the food on the table had been handpicked by family.  

Mother’s one true joy besides her kids has always been her kitchen, so I got that honest.  And her mother, my Maw Maw would rise before dawn to start breakfast on the woodstove, grab a ripe German Johnson tomato from the railing on the porch and slice it thin as the eggs cooked sunny side up.  Biscuits baked fresh from scratch were hosts to country ham, and the red eye gravy was drizzled atop the buttered grits. 

There is nothing more sensuous to me- -these foods beckon, demanding we pay attention to what we put in our bodies.  I saw the new movie, Eat Pray Love at a premier party opening night in Raleigh.  There is a scene where Julia Roberts as Elizabeth Gilbert twirls a plate of fresh pasta, savoring every bite.  I wanted to reach through the screen and invite her to come south for a while – - twirl some thinly sliced zucchinis on her plate and groan while she tastes a gazpacho made with a host of vine ripe tomatoes and peppers, sweetened with fresh honey from Bumble’s Bees.

I know the hands of a farmer.  I have those hands, though mine have become less worn, not much farm work in the past three decades.  I know and love the hands that plant the seeds, worry over the sun and rain, the temperatures, the seasons.  I know the joy of watching nature turn a seed to a fruit or vegetable.  And I revere those who still work the fields. 

There’s nothing like the smell of fresh chopped vegetables on a table when they have been picked early that morning. 

I vigorously thank the farmers as they return small change and I tuck the bounty into a shopping tote.

It has become a place of sanctuary for me.  Crying babies are my choir.  Teenagers with heavy southern accents ask,” Wanna a taste?  Ya’ll need sum corn today, ladies?  Try a peeeach?”   This banter is the invitation for salvation from the tasteless food available in most super markets.

Nothing feels hurried here.  It is a destination that feels outside of time. It is a place for connecting with all of our senses and with the Divine who sent us here as caretakers of the garden.

It is indeed Sanctuary!
So…. Pray and Eat and Love, Ya’ll!

Anita puckers for the peach... likes hers more sour than sweet

EnJOYing the Moment

Shmooshing The Sand Between Your Toes

What it was, was girl talk!

Pillow Talk with the Gals!

There are evenings in the summer when fireflies and friends happen, as we gather for that impromptu meal and wander into a dance that can only take place perched atop a thing of beauty – - and for us it was a white silk duvet in the “princess suite” at Suguna’s place.

I gave up trying to compete on the decorating scene after I saw Wendy’s new “matchy, matchy,” house a few years ago, and Suguna (not from these parts) came back from her trip on the Orient Express and made pillows out of her saris. You can’t see those tucked behind us, but they are brilliant silks, the kind you want to sink into and wrap around you, just to feel the texture and imagine a more exotic you.

There is something about sitting on the bed talking with your girlfriends that never loses it’s magic – even at midlife – - or maybe especially at midlife when we have better stories to tell.

If what it was, was baseball in the den,(and it was, since the men joined us for a “ya’ll come over, I’ve been cooking all day, neighborly dinner on Friday night, then
“What it was, was ‘girl talk,’ in the bedroom.

Some of the boys found their way down the hall and hung out, comfortable enough to sit on the bed or around the floor, happy with a back scratch and to just listen. Most of the young’uns took one look in and bounced away.

But here’s the point….”I think we gals are contagious!”

Not just for the laughter than results in all of our chats, but for the way we regard and hold the space for conversations, bouncing between the deeply intimate, the terribly irreverent, and always funny stories we share.

Here we were in the bedroom to watch home movies, at least our version connected to an iPad. Wendy (orange) seated next to the lovely Tracy with six foot long legs, and Casey (smash faced between Sugi and me) traveled to Paris this summer and toted their boys to the top of the Eiffel Tower to eat lunch (jackets please) at Jules Verne’s place, overlooking the city. The fare for that meal would have purchased a Smart car, so most of us traveled voyeuristically as we viewed the photos, enchanted as Wendy and Casey each described aspects of meeting up on separate family vacations.

I have a new T-shirt that reads, “careful, or you will wind up in my novel.” It doesn’t matter to this group. They live out loud. So stay tuned to read more stories from these amazing and very diverse women. We are soon traveling back in time with our high school yearbooks to see if we would have been friends way back then. Between the cut off jeans and unshaven legs meeting the seersucker shorts and perfectly teased hair, I think we are going to hear some new stories… maybe they will let me share some… maybe not! Might be worth checking back from time to time. hahahahaha! LOL!

The New Shopping List! Gratitude…is payment!

Sometimes, all you need is a pair of Jimmy Choos.

I have been given great gifts in my life… some things I appreciate beyond belief. Sometimes it’s just a good idea to set aside a few minutes to be fully and openly grateful for your gifts.
I have been given these gifts:
1. The love of my husband and my children – Even though I come with some interesting personality traits and some intense spiritual beliefs, Barry gets me. He’s my partner. He’s my friend. He’s my rock. That’s a great gift. And my magical, mystical kids … they are special. They helped me get grounded in a way I have never felt before. They opened my eyes to things I didn’t see. They are great gifts.
2. The love of my dear friends – my gal pals – They are with me when I need them. They are there even if I didn’t even know I needed them. They will go to mystical, magical events with me and try new things. They love me for who I am, as I love them.
3. My spirit guides, especially Maw Maw – You know, when I first started talking about my spirit guides, a lot of people gave me, you know, “That Look.” That Look is the one that says, “Oh, yes. She’s got her own spirit guides. How, um, lovely. Let’s get the hell out of here.” But my spirit guides have helped me make decisions that needed to be made, answered life’s biggest questions, and gave me more to think about. They are my teachers and protectors and I can always count on them.
4. Red Shoes! Ok, and Pearls.
5. My own company with a mission that makes me proud and happy – I love being a coach. I love helping people find their way, celebrate their strengths, capitalize on their internal gifts. It’s a joy for me to help them find their most successful paths. Who wouldn’t want such a cool job? Right?

Make your gratitude shopping list and post somewhere you’ll see it. Make a daily ritual out of going shopping on the list. Maw Maw always said, “Attention and Gratitude are the only price you need to pay for things that matter most.”

Enjoy your journey!
DJ

Shine!

I love this quote and sometimes forget how powerful it is until I send it to someone I love to remind them of just how special they are! Here… remind yourself!
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”Buy the Book
This inspiring quote by Marianne Williamson is from her book, A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles, Harper Collins, 1992. From Chapter 7, Section 3 (Pg. 190-191).
• A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles (1992 Abridged Audio version)
• A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles (Paperback Reprint, 1996 edition)
• A Return to Love – Interactive Workshop on CD-ROM for Windows and Macintosh (Audio

A Penny from Heaven

My Swing

I sat in the swing that was a gift from Dad two years ago but had been parked under the house until we found the right place to hang it, across the foot bridge and up a path of stepping stones. The newly built wooden frame is still curing, so not yet painted, but offers a welcome respite each morning, and I find my way there in the early evening to enjoy the wildlife – a grey fox, a hawk, butterflies, a cardinal, a hummingbird all greeted me today. The smells of mid-summer most pungent in 100 degree heat were there to remind me that this is a season of growth and new harvest.

I start each day in that same swing with a glass of superfood greens mixed in juice. It is the place for my daily meditation.
For the past two weeks I have been chanting aloud a new prosperity mantra given to me by Barbara Biziou, author of Joy of Rituals, my new guide and colleague. (seriously – look her up at www.joyofrituals.com)

So last night, I swang and prayed same as every day since June 11th when Barry had the frame built as a birthday gift to surprise me when I got home from a business trip. When I completed my prayer and opened my eyes, a penny was stuck on the left seat of the swing.

It wasn’t there when I sat down.

I wore a denim skirt and t-shirt with nothing in the pockets. I held a glass of honey sweetened iced tea with both hands to combat the 100 degree temp. I swang high enough that a penny would have rolled off.

There was nothing there when I sat down. No one had joined me. Barry and Hank were off for sports. No one around.

And then there was a penny – stuck to the swing, with no apparent sticky stuff to hold it.

It was followed by a scent of tobacco… if you read the book, you know that is how Maw Maw shows up to remind me of something, and this time her reminder was about money.

She also sent my song across my mind….
“It’ll be alright, have a good time.”

I have been singing it all day!

There’s Something about Marilyn

Wait for me! Wait for me!

Once in a while a free spirit is placed smack dab in front of us by some magical event, their lives clear reflective mirrors for the inner wild child in each of us who is dying for expression. I have met such a spirit.

She is Marilyn Hester, an Optician in Durham.

There are Marilyn’s around all of us – - you know at least one, and if you don’t yet, intend to. Call them to you. I have two such in my life (my dear friend in the book, Mystic GRITS who drank Southern Comfort with Janis Joplin) and now this Marilyn – - both here, D-Double daring me and all whom they greet to go for a ride on the wild side.

Maw Maw Precious would say, “You entertain angels unaware – - you will know ‘em when you see ‘em, cause of the light in their eyes.”

In our first greeting, I coveted the motorcycle helmet she carried under her arm, one with those funny sayings plastered on small bumper stickers:

“You never see a motorcycle parked next to a psychiatrist’s office.”
“Making love to a younger man might be fatal, but if he dies, he dies.”

I wanted to time travel with her, going back to my essence and innocence, back to myself at 6 years old. I imagined holding her hand and running through the meadows on the farm, laughing as we blew the fuzzy tops off a bouquet of dandelions we’d actually take the time to notice.

Her brain was on fire as she danced in and out of conversations over dinner with a group of cool women who met face to face for the first time after allowing me the privilege of coaching them through a 30-Day Leadership Course we offered to listeners of the River WRVA-FM – - (hear more, including Marilyn’s story at www.watercoolercoaching.com.)

The rest of us girls in our dresses and pearls agreed as we watched this force of nature mount her Harley and rev the engine…”There is simply something about Marilyn that makes you want to hike up your skirt, kick off your stillettos and hop the back of a bike.”

Message from the Universe

I opened my email to read a note from Thelma.. that’s not her real name. It is Barbara, a dear colleague and soul-friend. We call ourselves Thelma and Louise sometimes because it makes us laugh out loud recalling the time we were dealing with a sticky situation and one us declared it could make a girl want to shoot the tires out of a 18-wheel semi. (as in the movie, Thelma and Louise)… We actually thought Thelma was Susan Sarandon a little more buttoned down and mindful, and until I watched the movie again recently and realized Sarandon was actually Louise, I had projected myself into Gina Davis’ character, the fun, carefree, naive and somewhat gullible.

You’re probably really confused now. Forget about trying to keep it…just read the following…

The message from Thelma simply read…

“Message from the Universe,”

You are the right person, this is the right time, you’ve paid your dues, you’re thinking the right thoughts, you’re doing the right things, and this very moment, you are exactly where you’re supposed to be… poised for the happiest time of your life.
Dang, Precious! The Universe

_the message was forwarded from this link
www.tut.com
_______________________________________
Thoughts become things… choose the good ones! ®
© www.tut.com ®

Made my day to get a message that ended with “Dang, Precious.”
Insert your name and claim it today, or go search the TUT site and sign on to receive your own messages. Fun!

Eyes are the windows to the soul!

The eyes are the window!

They open to me
Taking me in – they invade
And I’m pierced by eyes.
Gillian Harvey, haiku

Maw Maw always said, “Eyes are the window to the soul.” You can learn a lot about a person by looking deep into their eyes and opening your heart to what those eyes are telling you.

Next time you’re with someone you want to know better, try it out. Look deep into their eyes and feel their soul. What does it tell you. What is asking for expression or liberation? What happens if you speak to that, as coaches do?
Let me know what happens.
DJ